A Note on Being True to Yourself

July 18, 2018

Photo by Hilltop Photo Co.

I interrupt your usual fashion programming to have a little heart to heart today.

Last week, I was talking with a few people about how they were thinking about attending a concert. Someone asked me, "why don't you go?" and in the next breath, someone else said, "because she can't hang."

I remember thinking, ouch. That was a pretty low blow. And I sat all day in a little cave of self-doubt wondering why someone would think that about me. Do I look like someone who just "can't hang?"

As I thought about it more and more, I got mad at myself for even giving it a second thought. I knew that one opinion was irrelevant to the person I am. I also knew that it was a concert that I honestly wouldn't want to be at. Like, at all. But we can't really help falling down the hole of self-doubt, can we? Especially when someone makes you question yourself.

Here's the thing about self-doubt: it's usually put into our heads by something irrelevant to our being or by someone who doesn't really know us at all. Because of this small interaction last week, I was sitting there thinking "how can I become someone who can 'hang'?" instead of thinking the truth, which would be "you know what, yeah, I would actually hate going to that concert because it's not my scene."

Why are we fearful of being true to ourselves? I'm asking both you and me. We're at our very best when we're honest; it's the most comfortable. For example, if you're a size 8 in jeans, would you buy a size 6 that barely buttons and is super tight just to say you're wearing a size 6? Or would you buy the size 8, the RIGHT size, and be comfortable and happy? Hint: buy the damn 8.

Although I have gotten to a point in my life where I am very sure of who I am, it's times like these that shake me up for some reason and make me question what I know about myself. But here's what I do know: I know I've never met a donut I didn't like. I know I'd rather spend Friday night on my couch with a good movie. I know sloppy situations make me nervous. I know that I need to eat breakfast every day to maintain my health. I know that I'm bad at reading and better at writing. I know I can't pick a favorite movie kiss because they all make me melt. I know mornings make me crabby. I know I get tipsy off of one drink. I know I'm secretly a mermaid. I know that I shop too much, worry too much and sleep too little. And I KNOW I wouldn't have enjoyed that specific concert I referenced earlier. I just know these things, so there's no need to second guess it.

What do you know about yourself? Make a list and write it down. Reread your list every day. Tell people about the things on your list. Get comfortable with who you ARE. The more comfortable you become, the less afraid you will be. And the easier it will be to always stay true to yourself.

Start a pact with me today that we will be brave enough to be ourselves. No shame. No apologies. No holding back. No more pretending to be someone that we're just, well, not.

Is it okay to tell someone they "can't hang?" No. But the next time I hear it, I want to be brave enough to say, "you're right, I can't, because I don't want to."

Signed, sealed, delivered,

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