Today's post is not necessarily about what I am currently wearing. It is more about what I am NOT wearing anymore. And there will be a list of these things by the time I conclude; trust me.
I recently finished up my junior year of college and have found my way back home. With that being said, I planned my annual closet reorganization. I moved all of the sweaters, blazers and long sleeves out and made room for my shorts, sundresses and sandals.
I opened up my large storage bin that holds my shorts and instantly felt excited for summer. With all of the fun colors and patterns patiently awaiting my return, I instantly wanted to start trying things on.
But, to my dismay, I tried on pair after pair that did not want to zip, button or in some cases, go over my hips. Almost half of the shorts that fit me last summer were now laying in a balled up mess on my bedroom floor.
I was frustrated. I cried quite a bit, my cheeks were tomato red and I felt very confused. How can something that fit me last summer not even come close to buttoning this summer?
I then decided to go back to pictures from the previous summer and compare them to pictures from more recent times and found that I had barely changed at all, which just led to even more confusion.
Now to be clear, I have never been stick thin. I have a pear shaped body with a lot of curves, but I do try my best to stay healthy and keep in shape. But in all honesty, the size I was wearing last summer I was very proud of.
Now, I have jumped one size up and felt my world was crashing down. But, why is that necessary? When I originally hit the size I am now, I remember feeling equally as proud. But now, it is a disaster? Shame on my brain.
Which brings me to the FIRST thing I will not be wearing anymore: a size.
They say when you get to your twenties, you should not be married to a clothing size. I am only a few days shy of being 21, so I plan to follow this advice ASAP.
The female body is constantly changing. I mean seriously, CONSTANTLY. Why do you think we always joke about things we can wear on our "good days" or "bad days".
Hormones make our weight fluctuate like crazy, so you should never feel down if you are a four one day, but a six the next.
Plus, not all clothing is made the same. A clothing item may be two sizes smaller and fit you, and another may be two sizes bigger and fit the exact same way.
It is truly only a number. If you look great in it and most importantly, feel good in it, then who cares what number is attached to it.
The SECOND thing I will not be wearing anymore: my old shorts.
Yeah, this is kinda the funny part because I literally can't wear them anymore. But at first, I told myself "hang on to these shorts and then just work really hard to lose weight so you can fit into them again."
Obviously, that was the stupid option, because I AM taking care of my body. Truthfully, my body shape is changing. I am growing into more of a woman, so chances are, I would probably never fit into those shorts again. It wasn't that I needed to lose weight. My hips just got a little wider and my torso got taller. Not much I can do about that.
So, after a week, I tried on all of the shorts again. About 55% of them I am going to sell because they were either too small, or I just didn't want to stuff myself inside them. I will be taking the profits from the shorts and the other items I found to sell from my closet and plan to buy some new summer clothes that not only fit me great, but also make me feel great.
So now, DRUM ROLL.
The THIRD and last thing I will not be wearing anymore: a bad attitude.
I got really down on myself when this all happened. My immediate reaction was to stop eating so often, even though I was hungry. And, I have low blood sugar, so I was essentially just making myself sicker. I was treating my body so mean, and for what? To fit into a pair of shorts that probably won't even be trendy by the end of the summer?
I talked to a lot of different people about it and found that no one really knew what I was going through. My boyfriend, Adam, is an amazing human being, but I can't blame him for not knowing what to say when I was upset. And when it comes to asking friends, some will know exactly what to say, and some won't. Seek out the ones who will build you up, not make you feel worse.
But I do owe this entire epiphany to my mother; she wiped away my tears and reminded me that no matter what, I was beautiful inside and out.
I have completely decided to not worry about my size, just wear what fits and makes me feel happy. I have wiped my closet clean of anything that makes me feel bad about myself. And, I have taken the bad attitude of treating my body, my mind and my heart poorly and am working toward finding myself again.
I have always been the type of girl who was happy with herself and only wanted others to feel great too. But how can I make others feel great if I don't feel great myself? That is why I am not wearing these three things anymore.
I hope that you never have to experience wearing these three things, but, if you currently are or ever do, I hope you remove them just as quickly as I did.
And if you know of someone who may be going through this wave of emotions, be there for them. Our brains can play some serious tricks on us, but sometimes all we need is some reassurance and a little hug. It is so very important to build each other up as women.
There are certainly not enough hours in the day for the good things, so never allow the bad things to fill up your time slot.
A confident woman makes a powerful woman.
You will ALWAYS be beautiful, no matter what.
xoxo,
-The FF
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